KalishLawTexas' legal blog The Woodlands

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23 Aug 2011

Excellent Resources for Caring for your Aging Parents
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The last two blog posts have dealt with helping and caring for elderly adults.    During my research on this subject, I have discovered a number of valuable resources that I’d like to share.

1. AARP www.aarp.org :   AARP has a wealth of information online. The website is available in English and Spanish.   There are various articles and a “Caregiver Resource Center”. Here is a link to an article about helping elderly parents move. http://aarp.us/pbVQ6g . Real people share real life stories.

2. Some Recommended Books:

Caring for Your Parents, The Complete AARP Guide by Hugh Delehanty & Elinor Ginzler

How to Say it To Seniors; Closing the Communication Gap with Our Elders, by David Solie

Social Security, Medicare and Government Pensions, Nolo Press

3. Other online sources:

The Mayo Clinic: Aging Parents; 5 Warning Signs of Health Problems http://bit.ly/aY89e

Medicare Rights Center http://www.medicarerights.org

Meals on Wheels Association www.mowaa.org

National Association of Area Agencies on Aging www.n4a.org

National Institute on Aging; Alzheimer’s Disease Education & Referral Center http://1.usa.gov/Be7aj

Family Caregiver Alliance www.caregiver.org

National Respite Locator Service www.respitelocator.org

Aging With Dignity www.agingwithdignity.org

HospiceNet www.hospicenet.org

I hope that these resources will prove helpful to any of our readers who are facing this situation now or planning for the future.

Kalish Law Office www.kalishlawtexas.com   The Woodlands, Texas
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17 Aug 2011

Practical Advice for Dealing With Senior Adults
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My last blog post dealt with caring for and helping senior adults, and mentioned some of the challenges that you are likely to encounter.   Now I want to share my review of a book that I discovered.
”How to Say it to Seniors; Closing the Communication Gap with Our Elders” by David Solie (Prentice Hall Press © 2004) is an excellent guide to communicating with senior adults.    I highly recommend this book for anyone who is dealing with senior adults in a family or a business relationship.

Mr. Solie is a speaker and educator. He has a background in finance, and worked for several years with companies that primarily dealt with senior adults.

The book presents a fresh and honest perspective on the communication gap between seniors and middle-aged adults.
We all go through developmental growth / personality development at different periods of our life, he writes. What is seen too often as a “decline” in older adults can be seen as a normal developmental process. The older person is simply learning to deal with the changes in life, losses, and independence that aging brings.

Solie states that “the secret mission” of older adults is to 1) maintain control and 2) leave a legacy. He suggests ways to allow the person to keep control and dignity while dealing with the changes that the person is going through. He explains why “trying to help” and explaining things logically (or, what is logical to the younger adult) meets with such strong and sometimes baffling resistance, why an older person’s focused occupation with a certain topic makes sense to them but seems obsessive to a younger person and how to deal with “NO!”

It is written in a manner that is respectful to all concerned. The concerns and frustrations of all sides are examined thoughtfully.   Various practical ways to approach common problems are suggested. Although concerns over the elder’s safety and health are treated as serious, younger adults are also advised that sometimes they just have to “let go” and allow the elder person to choose their path. The most progress is made when the elder person is allowed to maintain as much control and choice as possible.

Of course there are situations that have progressed to the point where physical, emotional or mental issues have rendered the person a danger to themselves or others and someone must step in immediately and take control. But even those extreme situations can be helped by a willingness to see things from a slightly different viewpoint.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is dealing with older adults. It is pleasant reading, refreshingly honest, and without psychological, medical or legal mumbo-jumbo. Just good, solid advice.

Kalish Law Office, The Woodlands, Texas.   www.kalishlawtexas.com Wills, Probate and Elder Law. “Passionate, Professional and Personal. We Make the Difference.” Since 1984
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9 Aug 2011

Caring for your aging parents
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Caring for aging parents presents a variety of challenges. Due to changing times and financial concerns, it is more important than ever to have a plan. Here are some situations in which you may find yourself:
1. Your parent(s) have planned for their retirement years and have adequate assets, and presently do not need any assistance with day-to-day activities or finances, but you are beginning to be concerned for the future.
2. Your parents(s) have some resources, and maybe even have a plan, but you don't know the details and believe they may run out of assets while having serious medical needs.
3. Your parent(s) have no assets, very limited assets, or adequate assets but poor physical health and you are definitely going to need to be involved with their physical and/or financial care.
Here are some challenges that may arise:

1.      Siblings or Lack of Siblings: If you have siblings, there may be disagreement between you as to how to handle the situation. It is also common that parents fear showing favoritism and so they seek to avoid naming an executor, granting a power of attorney, and so on, even if they feel they need to.   Siblings may avoid discussing the subject with the parents, or with each other, for fear of seeming dominating, or greedy. “Only” children have a different set of problems, especially when a parent lives far away, and even more so if the parent is alone. Onlies have no siblings to lean on or to ask for help and so they are often at a loss as to how to negotiate a parent’s aging issues.

2.      Trust issues: There may be longstanding trust issues between parent and child. Or a reluctance on the part of the parent to see the child as a capable adult. There are also some physical ramifications of aging in some people, such as early Alzheimer’s disease and other brain-related conditions, that actually cause a lack of trust, or outright paranoia. It is therefore difficult or impossible to have a meaningful dialogue about health and financial issues with a person who cannot trust.

3.      Fear of the loss of independence leading to procrastination: Older adults often find that it is difficult to even discuss anything that has to do with a loss of independence.   This often leads to procrastination about planning for the future. Middle-aged or younger people have difficulty with this, get frustrated and sometimes feel that getting aggressive about decision-making is the only option. This can lead to even more resistance on the part of the older adult.

What Can you Do and How Can an Attorney Help?
1. If your parent is willing, you can help him/her find a qualified estate planning attorney or elder law attorney. Your level of involvement will depend on your parent’s physical health and willingness/ability to be involved in such discussions. Your “help” may consist of nothing more than finding an appropriate attorney and giving the name and phone number to your parent, and/or driving him/her to the appointment and sitting in the waiting room. Your parent may also request more or less involvement from you than what you feel comfortable giving but having some knowledge about the situation may relieve some of your worry.
2. You can see an attorney yourself. If you have concerns and want help with how to deal with the situation of an aging parent, you can see an attorney on your own. The attorney will guide you through the most common legal concerns that arise in these situations; for example: What are general powers of attorney and is one recommended? What are the considerations for health care powers of attorney and other related documents? What about medicare / Medicaid planning? What options are available for early distribution of real property or personal property to beneficiaries and what are some possible problems with this strategy? Is it desirable to try to avoid probate?
3. It is often easier to discuss difficult issues in front of a third party. Whether the third party is an attorney, financial planner, family doctor or therapist, people often find that the professional office is a “safe place” to respectfully voice their concerns, questions and fears.
4. An attorney can guide you to other resources. An attorney can help you find available social services, literature, websites, and other professionals that are beneficial to the journey that you are on with your parent. Your parent’s situation may require a “team effort” and a qualified elder care attorney can be part of that team.
Kalish Law Office in The Woodlands / Spring Texas has been helping older adults and their families with estate planning issues since 1984. We are passionate about assisting our clients in this legally and emotionally difficult area in a competent and respectful manner. We look forward to assisting you and your family with creating a viable future plan to ease some of the inevitable concerns and potential conflicts that arise in this area of law. 281-363-3700
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KalishLawTexas' legal blog The Woodlands

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23 Aug 2011

Excellent Resources for Caring for your Aging Parents

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17 Aug 2011

Practical Advice for Dealing With Senior Adults

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9 Aug 2011

Caring for your aging parents

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