Caring for aging parents presents a variety of challenges. Due to changing times and financial concerns, it is more important than ever to have a plan. Here are some situations in which you may find yourself:
- Your parent(s) have planned for their retirement years and have adequate assets, and presently do not need any assistance with day-to-day activities or finances, but you are beginning to be concerned for the future.
- Your parents(s) have some resources, and maybe even have a plan, but you don't know the details and believe they may run out of assets while having serious medical needs.
- Your parent(s) have no assets, very limited assets, or adequate assets but poor physical health and you are definitely going to need to be involved with their physical and/or financial care.
Here are some challenges that may arise:
1. Siblings or Lack of Siblings: If you have siblings, there may be disagreement between you as to how to handle the situation. It is also common that parents fear showing favoritism and so they seek to avoid naming an executor, granting a power of attorney, and so on, even if they feel they need to. Siblings may avoid discussing the subject with the parents, or with each other, for fear of seeming dominating, or greedy. “Only” children have a different set of problems, especially when a parent lives far away, and even more so if the parent is alone. Onlies have no siblings to lean on or to ask for help and so they are often at a loss as to how to negotiate a parent’s aging issues.
2. Trust issues: There may be longstanding trust issues between parent and child. Or a reluctance on the part of the parent to see the child as a capable adult. There are also some physical ramifications of aging in some people, such as early Alzheimer’s disease and other brain-related conditions, that actually cause a lack of trust, or outright paranoia. It is therefore difficult or impossible to have a meaningful dialogue about health and financial issues with a person who cannot trust.
3. Fear of the loss of independence leading to procrastination: Older adults often find that it is difficult to even discuss anything that has to do with a loss of independence. This often leads to procrastination about planning for the future. Middle-aged or younger people have difficulty with this, get frustrated and sometimes feel that getting aggressive about decision-making is the only option. This can lead to even more resistance on the part of the older adult.
What Can you Do and How Can an Attorney Help?
- If your parent is willing, you can help him/her find a qualified estate planning attorney or elder law attorney. Your level of involvement will depend on your parent’s physical health and willingness/ability to be involved in such discussions. Your “help” may consist of nothing more than finding an appropriate attorney and giving the name and phone number to your parent, and/or driving him/her to the appointment and sitting in the waiting room. Your parent may also request more or less involvement from you than what you feel comfortable giving but having some knowledge about the situation may relieve some of your worry.
- You can see an attorney yourself. If you have concerns and want help with how to deal with the situation of an aging parent, you can see an attorney on your own. The attorney will guide you through the most common legal concerns that arise in these situations; for example: What are general powers of attorney and is one recommended? What are the considerations for health care powers of attorney and other related documents? What about medicare / Medicaid planning? What options are available for early distribution of real property or personal property to beneficiaries and what are some possible problems with this strategy? Is it desirable to try to avoid probate?
- It is often easier to discuss difficult issues in front of a third party. Whether the third party is an attorney, financial planner, family doctor or therapist, people often find that the professional office is a “safe place” to respectfully voice their concerns, questions and fears.
- An attorney can guide you to other resources. An attorney can help you find available social services, literature, websites, and other professionals that are beneficial to the journey that you are on with your parent. Your parent’s situation may require a “team effort” and a qualified elder care attorney can be part of that team.
Kalish Law Office in The Woodlands / Spring Texas has been helping older adults and their families with estate planning issues since 1984. We are passionate about assisting our clients in this legally and emotionally difficult area in a competent and respectful manner. We look forward to assisting you and your family with creating a viable future plan to ease some of the inevitable concerns and potential conflicts that arise in this area of law. 281-363-3700
